"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" Romans 3:23.
You. Me. My wife. Our pastor. Your grandma. Other extended friends and family. We are all in the same boat. No one is better than anyone else. We are all sinners and we all fall short. No amount of effort on our part. No skills or knowledge we gain will prevent that without the help of God. There's no reason for anyone to think that we are better than anyone else. It happens, though, consciously or unconsciously.
I struggle in dealing with my own sin and brokenness. I am not someone you see go up front of church for prayer most weeks. Nor, do I break down into tears when I do pray. I see that a lot, though. There's a lot of people in pain out there. A lot of people struggling with issues and turning to God for help. Now, I don't judge these people (or maybe I do at times), but it does affect me in ways where I can justify certain behaviors which allow me to overlook the state of my sin. And it is caused by me comparing myself to others.
The first thing that sometimes happens for me is that I "water" down my situations and don't deal with them. When I see others struggling more or being affected deeply emotionally, I tend to think my sin is not so bad because I am not getting emotional about it. I'm not saying that I am better than others, but I can sometimes look at my own sin and think its not that bad since I don't seem to be "overwhelmed". The thought can pop in my head "those people need it more than me since you can see them struggling". Like, God can only handle so much in a day and my stuff is so "trivial", why add it to God's workload? I delude myself that others need it more and that I'm OK, because my image of my brokenness looks a certain way.
The other aspect for me is I wonder if something is really wrong with me. Why doesn't it upset me? Why don't I go up and get prayer when I need it? Why am I not on my knees in prayer more? Why am I self-conscious even in church? If I go up front, people might see me, they might have opinions and that cant be good. Yes, it does get busy in my head some days. These are silly thoughts, but I am sure I am not the only one.
I don't know why I am this way, though I have some suspicions. I never grew up in a church where people got prayer or went up front. So, that is still uncomfortable for me even though its been eight years since I've been to that church. So, that's just an excuse. Maybe I am worried what others might think of me? Again, just another excuse.
It is pride. My unwillingness to realize there are times I need God to do some really deep work in my life. There are things I'd rather not deal with and am afraid of confronting. What if I don't like the answers I hear? Can I change? Do I want to even change? To humble myself would be to acknowledge that I don't have all the answers. I pride myself on being smart, being in control, and having things planned out. Being the center of my own universe is a joke I like to say, but it does hide underlying truths.
I struggle. I don't have all the answers. I sin. Yes, I sin. It doesn't matter how big or small I think they are, they need to be dealt with. I can continue down the path pretending it doesn't exist or thinking people need God's help more than I do. These are the whispers of an enemy bent on my destruction. I need to lay my brokenness down at the feet of God. I need to humble myself and be willing to acknowledge my sin.
It can sound like I am beating myself up. God knows, I am pretty good at doing that to myself. That's not the intention of this blog today though. I am acknowledging that pride is a big problem, especially for me. We think of pride as boasting smugly about oneself to others. If we don't act like that, we can mistakenly think we are not being prideful.
I have been extremely prideful because I think I know best for my life when that has been proven untrue. It's pride not to get on bended knee and open your heart entirely in prayer. You may cry, you may not. You may be scared and there may be pain, just like any good surgery. But, the pain will only be a short time.
I'll be honest. I am scared to be that open and honest with God (even though He already knows). But, it is necessary if we want to grow in faith. We can't confess to Him anything that will make Him love us less. As a matter of fact, we cant confess anything that will shock Him. There's nothing we can say that God cannot handle in our lives.
I am getting better dealing with this - but there's still a way to go.
You. Me. My wife. Our pastor. Your grandma. Other extended friends and family. We are all in the same boat. No one is better than anyone else. We are all sinners and we all fall short. No amount of effort on our part. No skills or knowledge we gain will prevent that without the help of God. There's no reason for anyone to think that we are better than anyone else. It happens, though, consciously or unconsciously.
I struggle in dealing with my own sin and brokenness. I am not someone you see go up front of church for prayer most weeks. Nor, do I break down into tears when I do pray. I see that a lot, though. There's a lot of people in pain out there. A lot of people struggling with issues and turning to God for help. Now, I don't judge these people (or maybe I do at times), but it does affect me in ways where I can justify certain behaviors which allow me to overlook the state of my sin. And it is caused by me comparing myself to others.
The first thing that sometimes happens for me is that I "water" down my situations and don't deal with them. When I see others struggling more or being affected deeply emotionally, I tend to think my sin is not so bad because I am not getting emotional about it. I'm not saying that I am better than others, but I can sometimes look at my own sin and think its not that bad since I don't seem to be "overwhelmed". The thought can pop in my head "those people need it more than me since you can see them struggling". Like, God can only handle so much in a day and my stuff is so "trivial", why add it to God's workload? I delude myself that others need it more and that I'm OK, because my image of my brokenness looks a certain way.
The other aspect for me is I wonder if something is really wrong with me. Why doesn't it upset me? Why don't I go up and get prayer when I need it? Why am I not on my knees in prayer more? Why am I self-conscious even in church? If I go up front, people might see me, they might have opinions and that cant be good. Yes, it does get busy in my head some days. These are silly thoughts, but I am sure I am not the only one.
I don't know why I am this way, though I have some suspicions. I never grew up in a church where people got prayer or went up front. So, that is still uncomfortable for me even though its been eight years since I've been to that church. So, that's just an excuse. Maybe I am worried what others might think of me? Again, just another excuse.
It is pride. My unwillingness to realize there are times I need God to do some really deep work in my life. There are things I'd rather not deal with and am afraid of confronting. What if I don't like the answers I hear? Can I change? Do I want to even change? To humble myself would be to acknowledge that I don't have all the answers. I pride myself on being smart, being in control, and having things planned out. Being the center of my own universe is a joke I like to say, but it does hide underlying truths.
I struggle. I don't have all the answers. I sin. Yes, I sin. It doesn't matter how big or small I think they are, they need to be dealt with. I can continue down the path pretending it doesn't exist or thinking people need God's help more than I do. These are the whispers of an enemy bent on my destruction. I need to lay my brokenness down at the feet of God. I need to humble myself and be willing to acknowledge my sin.
It can sound like I am beating myself up. God knows, I am pretty good at doing that to myself. That's not the intention of this blog today though. I am acknowledging that pride is a big problem, especially for me. We think of pride as boasting smugly about oneself to others. If we don't act like that, we can mistakenly think we are not being prideful.
I have been extremely prideful because I think I know best for my life when that has been proven untrue. It's pride not to get on bended knee and open your heart entirely in prayer. You may cry, you may not. You may be scared and there may be pain, just like any good surgery. But, the pain will only be a short time.
I'll be honest. I am scared to be that open and honest with God (even though He already knows). But, it is necessary if we want to grow in faith. We can't confess to Him anything that will make Him love us less. As a matter of fact, we cant confess anything that will shock Him. There's nothing we can say that God cannot handle in our lives.
I am getting better dealing with this - but there's still a way to go.
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