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Talking with Dad

Hey! How about them Cavaliers? They got to the NBA finals but fell just short. Typical Cleveland, huh? It's a good thing still - seeing how the Browns and Indians have been playing lately. We should appreciate the one time we get to a championship around here.
I know things have been looking rough this past year for you. Cancer. Can we both just agree that cancer sucks? I would say that having three different cancers proves the kind of man you are, but I'm sure that you would rather not be dealing with this. I cant imagine how you feel or what you are going through, but you know that I am here for you. Whatever you need or what. That comes from you. That's what you taught me. That family and giving your word to someone was important. Through the good times and the bad times. We are here for each other.
No, I don't know why God is allowing all of this to happen. We have been all praying. Myself, Susan, and I know several people in the church who you don't even know are praying for you. But, I cant answer why it seems like things have gotten worse and not better yet. If I could take all your pain away and make it all better, know that I would have. So, I am doing the only thing I can right now. And, that's praying to God on your behalf. Even though I'm not happy with Him at the moment, I still pray. I trust God and I believe there's a divine purpose here.
And, no, you're not being punished by God for whatever you think you may have done. It's easy to believe that. Trust me, I have felt that way too sometimes. God doesn't work that way. Nor, is it because you haven't done all the "God" things that you're "supposed" to. I fall in that trap too. That's not the way God works either. Yes, we do pay a repercussion for our sins, but God is not out to get us or is in the business of punishing us for each of our missteps.
I don't know where you really stand with God. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with Him. It's not something we have talked to each other about. Maybe, its just easier to make small talk about sports or other events of the day. I know I am not one to talk about the deep things. Ask Susan, she knows. It's not just you, but other people I know that I don't get deep with. But, I believe you have a deeper faith than you let on. I know God has been working in your life. Not just in these past few months, but throughout your life. He didn't just start taking an interest in you recently.
Your actions speak out to that. The way you always carry yourself. Being a man of your word and being there for others. Sometimes, it seemed like you shoulder the burden of the whole world so others don't have to. If someone needed your help, you're there for them. No matter how tired you would feel. I worked at that steel mill a couple summers and saw what it was like. I got a taste of what you did day in and day out. I never told you how much I appreciated all that hard work you did to provide for your family. Even after work, you would take time to play catch, teach us to swim or ride a bike, or to drive a car (even if the thought of us driving terrified you, you knew we had a good teacher). You would show up for our sports and other school related stuff. Don't ever recall you complaining about being too tired, or maybe I never heard that.
Funny how it takes something like this to get one to tell someone how they truly feel. Or, appreciate everything they do for them. I wish it wasn't that way. But, no time like the present to tell you. And, you have done a lot for me over the years and right now. Lessons taught, words given, and a helping hand offered. They have all meant a lot and helped shape me into the man I am today (feel free to take credit or blame, your choice).
Ok, I know we are getting mushy around here. That's not the way I normally am. And you're not that. But, that's OK. Its important though to let people know how we really feel about them sometimes. I know we show it to each other, both of us, but sometimes it can be good to say it. You need to know what you mean to me and the rest of the family.
Just letting you know - you need to lean on any of us for strength - we freely give it to you. Just like the many times we leaned on you for advice and will continue to do so. You taught us well. Myself, Kim, Mom, Susan, Tommy, and Taylor - just ask any of us and we will be there. We have your back. Always have and we always will.
I figured you might like a little encouragement. Maybe, a nice pep talk. This isn't a pleasant time, but I know you. You're a fighter. You still have that resolve, and that humor. Its your humor and the sarcasm that gets me through. I developed that from you (once again credit or blame, your choice). Know that you don't battle this on your own. I want you to be encouraged. You've encouraged me through the years, whether it was Little League, college, work, or my marriage. There are lots and lots of people praying with you - even right now. God is in this. It may not look like it at times, but trust me He is. God has blessed me with you in my life. He knows you are the right man for the job of having raised me and continue to show me what a good man, husband, and father looks like. That's the truth. God loves you Dad.
I love you too, Dad!!! Even though, I don't often say that.
(Hopefully, next time I will say some of this to you face to face)

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