It's hard to believe it has almost been a year already. This time, last year, was when we received that devastating news that the cancer was terminal. Not knowing that we only had a couple of weeks left.
We can look back and list the number of regrets. That we didn't talk more, say what we felt, make fun of our sports teams, etc.. But, if I live in the regrets, then we miss all the really good things that did happen. (Except for the football team, you haven't missed anything there). For me, to say everything on my heart would have been an acknowledgement of the mortality of the situation. Pretending that we had lots more time ahead of us. That saying "I love you" would have been the same as saying "goodbye". That I was admitting defeat and had given up hope. At the time, that's what I felt was needed. To show you that I hadn't given up and wanted you to fight to the very end. Which you did.
We didn't have to say it to each other. We both knew how the other felt. Whether it was by words or actions, they showed. You taught us that. Loyalty and your word was important. You never wavered from that.
The phrase "you never know what you have until its gone" was made for this situation. Then again, even as I got older, I never thought you would be. I felt like you would be here forever. Maybe, because of your stubbornness or sarcasm. Never thought reality would hit like that. Yet, here we are one year later. God, I miss your sarcasm. You'd probably say something sarcastic right now if you were reading this. No one has to wonder where I got my sarcasm from, they just know. You would say "Your mother".
Granted, you haven't missed anything with the Browns. Just as awful as every other year recently. We did lose a game when our attempt for a winning field goal was blocked and returned for a winning touchdown by the other team. That's one of the times I really missed you. Wishing I could call you and say "Can you believe that just happened?" You would probably tell me that you had never seen anything like that before. Then, we would laugh at how ridiculously bad our team was. Living in Cleveland, we shared a lot of moments like that with all of our sports teams unfortunately. Good times, I guess. Just too bad, the Cavaliers didn't beat the Warriors last year so we could celebrate together.
Even though you are gone, I have realized I still depend on the wisdom you handed down. Usually, when I try to put something together or fix something. Not as good as you, but I have muddled through. We all have.
It's a sign of how important you were to all of us. The void that you left behind. I don't think you were even aware of all the lives you touched in a positive way. I didn't know until your memorial service. The place was filled with work buddies, hunting buddies, and golfing buddies. People who were glad to have called you friend. Knowing you, you didn't keep count of that. You were just being yourself - doing nothing special. Loyal and dependable. The world can use a lot more people like that.
One year later, we keep on going. That's what you would have done and told us to do. No time for regrets. Too late anyhow. Now, it's just the memories instead of your physical presence. Though, your presence is felt today just as it was any other day. Every one who knew you was touched by your presence. We all learned from you.
As I told you that last fateful day, you were the right man for the right job. And, it was a magnificent job on your part. Wish I could share a beer with you on this day. As I write this, we are anticipating game 7 of the NBA Finals. Say a few words to God for us here in Cleveland. You are still sorely missed and never forgotten.
We can look back and list the number of regrets. That we didn't talk more, say what we felt, make fun of our sports teams, etc.. But, if I live in the regrets, then we miss all the really good things that did happen. (Except for the football team, you haven't missed anything there). For me, to say everything on my heart would have been an acknowledgement of the mortality of the situation. Pretending that we had lots more time ahead of us. That saying "I love you" would have been the same as saying "goodbye". That I was admitting defeat and had given up hope. At the time, that's what I felt was needed. To show you that I hadn't given up and wanted you to fight to the very end. Which you did.
We didn't have to say it to each other. We both knew how the other felt. Whether it was by words or actions, they showed. You taught us that. Loyalty and your word was important. You never wavered from that.
The phrase "you never know what you have until its gone" was made for this situation. Then again, even as I got older, I never thought you would be. I felt like you would be here forever. Maybe, because of your stubbornness or sarcasm. Never thought reality would hit like that. Yet, here we are one year later. God, I miss your sarcasm. You'd probably say something sarcastic right now if you were reading this. No one has to wonder where I got my sarcasm from, they just know. You would say "Your mother".
Granted, you haven't missed anything with the Browns. Just as awful as every other year recently. We did lose a game when our attempt for a winning field goal was blocked and returned for a winning touchdown by the other team. That's one of the times I really missed you. Wishing I could call you and say "Can you believe that just happened?" You would probably tell me that you had never seen anything like that before. Then, we would laugh at how ridiculously bad our team was. Living in Cleveland, we shared a lot of moments like that with all of our sports teams unfortunately. Good times, I guess. Just too bad, the Cavaliers didn't beat the Warriors last year so we could celebrate together.
Even though you are gone, I have realized I still depend on the wisdom you handed down. Usually, when I try to put something together or fix something. Not as good as you, but I have muddled through. We all have.
It's a sign of how important you were to all of us. The void that you left behind. I don't think you were even aware of all the lives you touched in a positive way. I didn't know until your memorial service. The place was filled with work buddies, hunting buddies, and golfing buddies. People who were glad to have called you friend. Knowing you, you didn't keep count of that. You were just being yourself - doing nothing special. Loyal and dependable. The world can use a lot more people like that.
One year later, we keep on going. That's what you would have done and told us to do. No time for regrets. Too late anyhow. Now, it's just the memories instead of your physical presence. Though, your presence is felt today just as it was any other day. Every one who knew you was touched by your presence. We all learned from you.
As I told you that last fateful day, you were the right man for the right job. And, it was a magnificent job on your part. Wish I could share a beer with you on this day. As I write this, we are anticipating game 7 of the NBA Finals. Say a few words to God for us here in Cleveland. You are still sorely missed and never forgotten.
Happy Father's Day!!!
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