Feels like it has been quite a while since I last wrote my thoughts down in a blog. Far too long. Late 2016 through now has been a very dry season in terms of writing for me. Summed up to writers' block and that I had run out of things to say. Tried to force my way through, but quickly found out how dry I had become. I needed some time to re-charge the batteries.
Late 2016 coincided with a very dry season for me spiritually. Was feeling remote from God in many ways. Still sensed Him in my life, but the closeness wasn't there. Praying felt like a chore and looking back, I realize I didn't pray as much as I used to. There were other factors that contributed during this season. One thing that did happen was that we left our church.
Looking back, this was the best decision I made for my own sanity and my marriage.
We didn't quit church. That, I wouldn't recommend. As I have said before, life wasn't meant to be lived alone and community is necessary for each and every one of us. Spiritually, we need to be in a body of believers. God calls us to be in community. Jesus lived His ministry accompanied by his disciples. Even He, had community.
Why did we leave the church where we were at? There were a variety of factors. The main one was feeling invisible and as an offshoot, unneeded, within our church. We felt we were pursuing relationships but didn't feel others wanted relationship with us. We tried to get together with others frequently for nothing to ever happen. It got to the point where we felt we only existed when people saw us on Sunday. The rest of the week we were on our own.
My wife was talking to someone at the church who we wanted to hang out with. During their conversation, several people walked by and this person would say to them "we need to get together sometime", but never said that to my wife. Guess we could have asked, but we had tried several times without success. Very few times were we asked to hang out. Even though we were in a community, we weren't a part of a community.
Feeling called to something new after much praying, we decided to search for a new church home. We decided not to tell anyone at our old church, other than some close friends. My rationale was we weren't being noticed anyways. If we told people we were looking to leave, would there have been a sincere response or a forced one because we said we were going. After four weeks, my rationale was pretty much confirmed as no one reached out to us from our old church.
There were other reasons why we left. The toughest thing for me is that I always want to have the final word to let my feelings be known. There were many things said and done during those final months that I would have loved to react to. But, since it wouldn't be a Christian reaction, I bit my tongue. It took me a long while (I would say over a year) to really get over things. Deep wounds like these do take time to recover. But, God will walk you through at your pace to get you to a healed state. It isn't something you can get healed overnight, but eventually you get there.
I discussed it a little with a pastor at my new church. That helped a lot - to speak about it. I wasn't looking for him to validate my decisions or if I was right. Just not good to let it sit inside and fester and eat away at me. It was good to get an outside perspective, prayer, and words of encouragement. He might not think he did much, but sometimes just a minor talk goes a long way to healing old wounds.
Never will go public with all the things that went down with the old church. This isn't the best forum to air laundry like that. It doesn't bless anyone or God dragging on people. If I say that I have forgiven them in my heart, then dragging people here proves that I'd be lying. Besides, myself, my wife, God, and those closest to me know and that's all that's needed. I am in a much better place than I was back in early 2017. Still working on the forgetting part of forgive and forget, but I am getting there. In fact, writing this down is the first time in a while I have thought about this. But, wanted to let you all know where I have been. My new church has been instrumental in helping. My recommendation is if you have been hurt by the church, not to give up on God. God will bring the healing even if the church has inflicted it. Remember, churches are filled with people nd people can be sinful - and you know the rest.
As for the new church, that's another story. Didn't take us long to find a new church home. It renewed and refreshed my faith, so to speak, in people and God. God never left my side during this dry period. That I know, deep down in my heart, even at it's driest. He kept me going during the healing process. That process still continues. Even when you think to give up, God doesn't give up. If you're in a dry place or feel alone, remember God is still right there.
The new church? It's a new journey and a new excitement. More excited than I have been in a long time. And, we have just scratched the surface.
Late 2016 coincided with a very dry season for me spiritually. Was feeling remote from God in many ways. Still sensed Him in my life, but the closeness wasn't there. Praying felt like a chore and looking back, I realize I didn't pray as much as I used to. There were other factors that contributed during this season. One thing that did happen was that we left our church.
Looking back, this was the best decision I made for my own sanity and my marriage.
We didn't quit church. That, I wouldn't recommend. As I have said before, life wasn't meant to be lived alone and community is necessary for each and every one of us. Spiritually, we need to be in a body of believers. God calls us to be in community. Jesus lived His ministry accompanied by his disciples. Even He, had community.
Why did we leave the church where we were at? There were a variety of factors. The main one was feeling invisible and as an offshoot, unneeded, within our church. We felt we were pursuing relationships but didn't feel others wanted relationship with us. We tried to get together with others frequently for nothing to ever happen. It got to the point where we felt we only existed when people saw us on Sunday. The rest of the week we were on our own.
My wife was talking to someone at the church who we wanted to hang out with. During their conversation, several people walked by and this person would say to them "we need to get together sometime", but never said that to my wife. Guess we could have asked, but we had tried several times without success. Very few times were we asked to hang out. Even though we were in a community, we weren't a part of a community.
Feeling called to something new after much praying, we decided to search for a new church home. We decided not to tell anyone at our old church, other than some close friends. My rationale was we weren't being noticed anyways. If we told people we were looking to leave, would there have been a sincere response or a forced one because we said we were going. After four weeks, my rationale was pretty much confirmed as no one reached out to us from our old church.
There were other reasons why we left. The toughest thing for me is that I always want to have the final word to let my feelings be known. There were many things said and done during those final months that I would have loved to react to. But, since it wouldn't be a Christian reaction, I bit my tongue. It took me a long while (I would say over a year) to really get over things. Deep wounds like these do take time to recover. But, God will walk you through at your pace to get you to a healed state. It isn't something you can get healed overnight, but eventually you get there.
I discussed it a little with a pastor at my new church. That helped a lot - to speak about it. I wasn't looking for him to validate my decisions or if I was right. Just not good to let it sit inside and fester and eat away at me. It was good to get an outside perspective, prayer, and words of encouragement. He might not think he did much, but sometimes just a minor talk goes a long way to healing old wounds.
Never will go public with all the things that went down with the old church. This isn't the best forum to air laundry like that. It doesn't bless anyone or God dragging on people. If I say that I have forgiven them in my heart, then dragging people here proves that I'd be lying. Besides, myself, my wife, God, and those closest to me know and that's all that's needed. I am in a much better place than I was back in early 2017. Still working on the forgetting part of forgive and forget, but I am getting there. In fact, writing this down is the first time in a while I have thought about this. But, wanted to let you all know where I have been. My new church has been instrumental in helping. My recommendation is if you have been hurt by the church, not to give up on God. God will bring the healing even if the church has inflicted it. Remember, churches are filled with people nd people can be sinful - and you know the rest.
As for the new church, that's another story. Didn't take us long to find a new church home. It renewed and refreshed my faith, so to speak, in people and God. God never left my side during this dry period. That I know, deep down in my heart, even at it's driest. He kept me going during the healing process. That process still continues. Even when you think to give up, God doesn't give up. If you're in a dry place or feel alone, remember God is still right there.
The new church? It's a new journey and a new excitement. More excited than I have been in a long time. And, we have just scratched the surface.
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