I wrote this originally in my journal in June 2013 while awaiting a decision on the short sale of my house:
I am awaiting a short sale on my house with Bank of America. It has been a long excruciating process. We had an offer made in October 2012 and as of June 11th 2013, we are still awaiting approval. The bank has made us jump through many hoops time and again before the preliminary approval. So, this past Friday we were just waiting for the buyer to sign and pay - which he didn't because of a minor communication issue. It was resolved and taken care of this past Monday and pending final approval by the bank. Funny story, now they won't approve because it wasn't signed on Friday and we now have to escalate the file. My belief is if it had been signed on Friday, Bank of America would have made up some other reason not to approve it.
This is the bank with its crappy loans helped to destroy the housing market in the US, got bailed out with taxpayer money and continues to operate this way. I am to the point of writing my senator, alerting the media, and suing the bank for emotional distress. No one should have to go through this. So to Bank of America: I have a certain hand gesture for you!!!
There, done with my rant. Hopefully, by the time this blog posts - the deal will be done. If not, I will be going through the personal bankruptcy process. It just makes it a struggle to believe in good and even more sometimes believing that God is doing something good for you.
Is it easier to have stronger faith during times of trial or during the good times? I go back and forth on this subject. During some trials, I find that my faith becomes stronger and I develop a stronger dependence on God. Other times, it is easier for me to be selfish and wonder where God is. In the same way, I do the same during the good times. I can either reflect and be thankful or just as easily forget about God and go into my own routine. We all get that way in our lives.
During this period of selling the house, Susan and I were praying about a resolution to the sale. I prayed earnestly about how I was truly feeling and laying it all in God's hands. I didn't sugarcoat and was really mad about it and told God I was mad. Susan told me later that she was really proud in my honest prayer. Unafraid to say how I truly felt and really pressing in my hopes and faith in God. At times, there is a real need to be honest with God, even with the knowledge that He already knows. It helps to have that dialogue, in the same way it is just as important to listen. Letting God speak to you is much better than talking to fill in the silences. Sometimes, we forget that it is a two way conversation.
One night I prayed to God regarding the house sale. In my dreams, I saw the whole Earth covered in palm branches, even the waters. All was covered in palm branches. Everything was going to be all right and God was going to protect. I slept better and have not been as worried about the sale.
But, getting back to faith. It can be a struggle. We all will have our peaks and valleys. The world tempts and resists. We see things in this world which can cause us to question our faith. We translate failures from other people and institutions around us onto God. This can sometimes weaken faith or even better make it stronger. It depends on how we choose to respond.
John 20:29 says "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed"
I am pretty good at believing things that I do see. I am a man that desires proof and logic before believing something. Sometimes it can be a struggle with my faith. I didn't walk with Jesus physically like his disciples did - but I am not sure how my faith would have been affected if I did. Would it be stronger? That answer I do not have. Upon reflection, maybe it is better for me that walk with Jesus is now. Now, when I have to risk - believing more in what is unseen than seen.
Having said that, maybe we don't see Jesus here in the flesh, but we see his impact on this world daily. We've seen broken lives made whole, relationships rebuilt, and bodies healed - all signs of Jesus. We have seen unbelievable joy in peoples' lives and multiple blessings rain down - all derived from the same source. That would be Jesus.
I still believe all these years later because I have seen wonders and miracles that defy my explanations. I have experienced God working in my life - healing me and helping me to grow. He has been there in my lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I believe because of what He has done in the past, what He has promised for the future, and what He is currently doing. Through it all, I still believe.
P.S. The house sale was approved the day after I wrote these thoughts in my journal. There is still a short fall that was not written off by the bank, so there is still a chance I can be taken to collections for this. Bank of America has made this a difficult process and continues to do so. Now, I vacillate between two hand gestures for them. One is the obvious angry one - the other is putting my hands together and praying for them. Hey, no one said this was always going to be easy.
I am awaiting a short sale on my house with Bank of America. It has been a long excruciating process. We had an offer made in October 2012 and as of June 11th 2013, we are still awaiting approval. The bank has made us jump through many hoops time and again before the preliminary approval. So, this past Friday we were just waiting for the buyer to sign and pay - which he didn't because of a minor communication issue. It was resolved and taken care of this past Monday and pending final approval by the bank. Funny story, now they won't approve because it wasn't signed on Friday and we now have to escalate the file. My belief is if it had been signed on Friday, Bank of America would have made up some other reason not to approve it.
This is the bank with its crappy loans helped to destroy the housing market in the US, got bailed out with taxpayer money and continues to operate this way. I am to the point of writing my senator, alerting the media, and suing the bank for emotional distress. No one should have to go through this. So to Bank of America: I have a certain hand gesture for you!!!
There, done with my rant. Hopefully, by the time this blog posts - the deal will be done. If not, I will be going through the personal bankruptcy process. It just makes it a struggle to believe in good and even more sometimes believing that God is doing something good for you.
Is it easier to have stronger faith during times of trial or during the good times? I go back and forth on this subject. During some trials, I find that my faith becomes stronger and I develop a stronger dependence on God. Other times, it is easier for me to be selfish and wonder where God is. In the same way, I do the same during the good times. I can either reflect and be thankful or just as easily forget about God and go into my own routine. We all get that way in our lives.
During this period of selling the house, Susan and I were praying about a resolution to the sale. I prayed earnestly about how I was truly feeling and laying it all in God's hands. I didn't sugarcoat and was really mad about it and told God I was mad. Susan told me later that she was really proud in my honest prayer. Unafraid to say how I truly felt and really pressing in my hopes and faith in God. At times, there is a real need to be honest with God, even with the knowledge that He already knows. It helps to have that dialogue, in the same way it is just as important to listen. Letting God speak to you is much better than talking to fill in the silences. Sometimes, we forget that it is a two way conversation.
One night I prayed to God regarding the house sale. In my dreams, I saw the whole Earth covered in palm branches, even the waters. All was covered in palm branches. Everything was going to be all right and God was going to protect. I slept better and have not been as worried about the sale.
But, getting back to faith. It can be a struggle. We all will have our peaks and valleys. The world tempts and resists. We see things in this world which can cause us to question our faith. We translate failures from other people and institutions around us onto God. This can sometimes weaken faith or even better make it stronger. It depends on how we choose to respond.
John 20:29 says "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed"
I am pretty good at believing things that I do see. I am a man that desires proof and logic before believing something. Sometimes it can be a struggle with my faith. I didn't walk with Jesus physically like his disciples did - but I am not sure how my faith would have been affected if I did. Would it be stronger? That answer I do not have. Upon reflection, maybe it is better for me that walk with Jesus is now. Now, when I have to risk - believing more in what is unseen than seen.
Having said that, maybe we don't see Jesus here in the flesh, but we see his impact on this world daily. We've seen broken lives made whole, relationships rebuilt, and bodies healed - all signs of Jesus. We have seen unbelievable joy in peoples' lives and multiple blessings rain down - all derived from the same source. That would be Jesus.
I still believe all these years later because I have seen wonders and miracles that defy my explanations. I have experienced God working in my life - healing me and helping me to grow. He has been there in my lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I believe because of what He has done in the past, what He has promised for the future, and what He is currently doing. Through it all, I still believe.
P.S. The house sale was approved the day after I wrote these thoughts in my journal. There is still a short fall that was not written off by the bank, so there is still a chance I can be taken to collections for this. Bank of America has made this a difficult process and continues to do so. Now, I vacillate between two hand gestures for them. One is the obvious angry one - the other is putting my hands together and praying for them. Hey, no one said this was always going to be easy.
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