When I wrote this originally in my journal, I knew of two couples who are going through major struggles in their relationship. One of which did end, which broke my heart. The other was more damaged than what I initially understood. Luckily, as of this moment that relationship has seemingly gotten stronger.
I am never happy to see people in crisis in their marital relationships. I always hope the couple will focus on what brought them together and fight for each other, rather than at each other. Having a good support structure of friends and family is vitally important so the couple is not alone in their struggles. A good support structure will not take sides, but will speak truth into the situation. Sometimes it will be truths that may be hard to bear, but a truth that needs to be heard. How we choose to respond to these truths will dictate the status of our relationships. This doesn't just pertain to our significant others, but with other friends and families as well.
I have always believed that Christian couples are of two types in their spousal relationships. One that relies on God throughout their ups and downs, joys and struggles. They work on their relationship unless it is painfully obvious one of the parties does not want to. The other, sadder one are those who look at their struggles as a sign that the relationship was not meant to be. Maybe they believe subconsciously that a relationship ordained by God will be free of major struggles - and if they have them that this is a sign that God did not ordain the relationship. They feel in their minds, God did not approve it, so its easier to break it off instead of working together. I pray that people don't feel that way. I don't think God would call you to quit, unless it were a really unhealthy relationship spiritually for you. Even then, after attempting to make it work.
Susan and I have had struggles in our relationship. We have argued and hurt each other. Sometimes, even deeply. We both know in what ways we can really hurt each other. Even knowing that I am intentionally sinning against her, it doesn't matter as I want her to feel my pain. That becomes the overriding concern, not whether its right or wrong. I know her weaknesses and I will exploit them if I have to so she understands my pain. We all do this in our selfishness, we become preoccupied with ourselves.
Romans 12:17 says "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone"
Even if we truly believe our spouse had bad intentions to hurt us, we are still called to not respond in kind. It just makes things worse and isn't what marriage is supposed to be.
Susan and I try to make it a point not to go to bed angry with one another. We might not resolve the issue at hand, but we try and make a point to deal with it before we sleep. One, sleeping while angry doesn't work. You don't rest and your mind wanders over the issue repeatedly. It also gives the enemy opportunity after opportunity to push the buttons making you angrier and angrier. I've noticed when my wife does something that annoys me, the devil is quick to point out the other moments where Susan has upset me. There may have been ten days, my wife has upset me during our marriage - and the devil plays them in your head as a "worst" hits montage. Funny, he doesn't point out the other thousand plus days of wonderful. That was something I quickly noticed - the enemy's attacks on my marriage. So, I try and focus on all the good memories.
But, we are both sinners and we have our moments where we fail each other and hurt each other. When those times happen, grace is needed. It's very easy to withhold forgiveness or use the incident in the future as a hurtful reminder. Neither is what we are called to in our marriage. We are called to love one another and bless each other in this relationship. It's not always easy, nothing worth fighting for ever is.
Finally, we try and pray for each other. Not as often as we should or like - but we are working on it. I have noticed that our struggles are not as severe once we invite the Lord in. It helps to remember that Susan is a blessing, a gift from God. I am totally undeserving of such a gift and know I need to strive to be a better man worthy of such a gift. I am called to love her, support her, strengthen her, and empower her. She is the one I fight for and would die for. This is what marriage means to me. There are outside forces that fight against it and we can't do this on our own. We need God if our marriage is going to last.
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12.
That is what marriage looks like to me.
I am never happy to see people in crisis in their marital relationships. I always hope the couple will focus on what brought them together and fight for each other, rather than at each other. Having a good support structure of friends and family is vitally important so the couple is not alone in their struggles. A good support structure will not take sides, but will speak truth into the situation. Sometimes it will be truths that may be hard to bear, but a truth that needs to be heard. How we choose to respond to these truths will dictate the status of our relationships. This doesn't just pertain to our significant others, but with other friends and families as well.
I have always believed that Christian couples are of two types in their spousal relationships. One that relies on God throughout their ups and downs, joys and struggles. They work on their relationship unless it is painfully obvious one of the parties does not want to. The other, sadder one are those who look at their struggles as a sign that the relationship was not meant to be. Maybe they believe subconsciously that a relationship ordained by God will be free of major struggles - and if they have them that this is a sign that God did not ordain the relationship. They feel in their minds, God did not approve it, so its easier to break it off instead of working together. I pray that people don't feel that way. I don't think God would call you to quit, unless it were a really unhealthy relationship spiritually for you. Even then, after attempting to make it work.
Susan and I have had struggles in our relationship. We have argued and hurt each other. Sometimes, even deeply. We both know in what ways we can really hurt each other. Even knowing that I am intentionally sinning against her, it doesn't matter as I want her to feel my pain. That becomes the overriding concern, not whether its right or wrong. I know her weaknesses and I will exploit them if I have to so she understands my pain. We all do this in our selfishness, we become preoccupied with ourselves.
Romans 12:17 says "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone"
Even if we truly believe our spouse had bad intentions to hurt us, we are still called to not respond in kind. It just makes things worse and isn't what marriage is supposed to be.
Susan and I try to make it a point not to go to bed angry with one another. We might not resolve the issue at hand, but we try and make a point to deal with it before we sleep. One, sleeping while angry doesn't work. You don't rest and your mind wanders over the issue repeatedly. It also gives the enemy opportunity after opportunity to push the buttons making you angrier and angrier. I've noticed when my wife does something that annoys me, the devil is quick to point out the other moments where Susan has upset me. There may have been ten days, my wife has upset me during our marriage - and the devil plays them in your head as a "worst" hits montage. Funny, he doesn't point out the other thousand plus days of wonderful. That was something I quickly noticed - the enemy's attacks on my marriage. So, I try and focus on all the good memories.
But, we are both sinners and we have our moments where we fail each other and hurt each other. When those times happen, grace is needed. It's very easy to withhold forgiveness or use the incident in the future as a hurtful reminder. Neither is what we are called to in our marriage. We are called to love one another and bless each other in this relationship. It's not always easy, nothing worth fighting for ever is.
Finally, we try and pray for each other. Not as often as we should or like - but we are working on it. I have noticed that our struggles are not as severe once we invite the Lord in. It helps to remember that Susan is a blessing, a gift from God. I am totally undeserving of such a gift and know I need to strive to be a better man worthy of such a gift. I am called to love her, support her, strengthen her, and empower her. She is the one I fight for and would die for. This is what marriage means to me. There are outside forces that fight against it and we can't do this on our own. We need God if our marriage is going to last.
"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12.
That is what marriage looks like to me.
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